Water lilys

Acrylic on canvas

16 x 20

Gugenheim

Acrylic on canvas

16 x 20

Boardwalk at Seaside

Acrylic on canvas

16 x 20

Times Square

Acrylic on canvas

16 x 20

Here's a Gem of Higher Learning

The University of west Florida, UWF, has decided to set new standards for education. In this day and age it is imperative to be well rounded in education. UWF has decided to take responsibility by offering classes that are not only well rounded, but have no foundation in research or science. In fact the class I am referring to is based solely on fictitious writings.

Who thought I was talking about the infamous 100 level "Underwater basket Weaving" class that freshmen often hear about?

Close, but no.

What is it you ask?

Here, I'll show you, because I have no words:

The first course description, the one that says: Vampires and Soul Survivors.
here is a direct link to the course description if you'd like to read it for yourself:

http://uwf.edu/nine90/crsdesc.cfm?pfx=ANG&sem=200701

If that sort of thing interests you, I wanted to give you the resources to go see it for yourself. I'm going to make fun of it anyway

So all that I know about vampires is this:

And this:

And the true extent of my knowledge is that you dress like this around late October and go door to door for free candy. If you're under 12 years of age.

I've watched some movies too. Like Underworld, Van Helsing, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Nosferatu, Elvira Mistress of the Dark etc. Not really my thing. I prefer zombie flicks, but that's a whole other topic unto itself. So my knowledge of vampires in their natural environment and habitat is extremely limited. If someone were to sit me down and explain it all to me I'm sure it would be really fascinating stuff, but the big question of: Will I care? is probably going to definitely be "no"

As for Frankenstein, Mel Brooks taught me everything I know:

I've seen some other movies about Frankenstein, but never anything endorsed by Mary Shelly, so I know even less about Frank than I do about vampires. In fact if knowledge were Halloween candy I'd know about four and a half tootsie rolls about Vampires and Frankenstein...I wish I would have had this material back in October, it would have made a great Halloween article. I'll write something Christmasey in a week or two...promise.

Because of my limited knowledge on these two subjects, a class about vampires and Frankenstein might be a good idea for someone like me, because then I'd know, and knowing is half the battle. But, that won't happen. One, because I'm not currently a student. And two, because I just wouldn't be able to sit through a class that teaches fictitious works of literature as if they are a thriving culture in this physical plane of existence. I would say they could offer a class about Klingons and the many cultures of the Star Trek universe. But then the Star Wars kids would demand that their side get equal treatment and then the unions would get involved which would lead to lawsuits and the whole program of fantasy education would have to be scrapped to avoid closing the schools forever by the ACLU.

Now go watch Harry Potter, because they deal with werewolves and witches.

P.S.





















Get the door Meatwad, it's Dracula.

Tiny Helicopters!!!

It's on top of the DVD burner....no not the purple stuffed lizard...yes my PC is an autobot...from Cybertron. Enough about that. I'm talking about the the little tiny helicopter. With the flames on the side. It looks like my helicopter is tearing ass around the office...but it's just sitting there.

For now.

That is a remote control helicopter. It's about 5 inches long. It's $30 of happiness. I bought it at Radioshack. Mostly I fly it into the wall. Or behind my desk. Fortunately it has a blinking blue light that shines like a beacon of hope when it crashes behind some furniture. If that light wasn't there I would have lost this tiny marvel of modern technology behind the laser printer several hours ago. I would have given up looking for it and said: "Well, I had about $30 worth of fun". But I saw that blinking light and found a yard stick and pushed it out from behind the printer, and now we're flying around the office again.

Soon after I began my helicopter flying career, other people in my office wanted to join the fun. Now there are several different remote control flying machines in the air.

We have a conference room. That room is now known as 'Thunderdome' and there are helicopter fights around lunchtime, and again before we all go home. And then when we get here the next morning....ok, so for right now, the majority of our day is occupied with airborne battles.

If you can imagine the sound of electric toothbrushes being used like swords in a swordfight...that's pretty much what a tiny RC helicopter fight sounds like.

$3.50 a gallon?

So I just read on some news site that some oil field somewhere in North America developed unchecked rusty pipes and exploded black gold all over the dusty ground. Great. Now, the gas prices will abrutly go up by about $0.50 per gallon before lunchtime today. And my power bill will probably go up again as well.

I understand supply and demand economics. I understand speculations and projections...what I fail to understand is how something can immediately cost me more before it costs more for the people who move it around and sell it.

Personally I think it's bullcrap. For me, personally, motorcycles are losing their image of two wheeled death machines and are moving into a category of fuel efficient economy vehicles with some trade off's in comfort for a 9000% increase in mpg.

If our local public transportation had more than 11 stops(sarcasm...although it is a small amount of stops) I would gladly buy a bus pass and start riding. The main problem with this plan involves the lack of bus stops, which would require me to bike it a few miles to the nearest one, and then ride a few more mile to my actual destination. This, coupled with the problem of the bus schedule not lining up with the hours I'm expected to be at my job puts the local public transportation in a category of 'urealistic answer for my situation'.

I just plan on complaining about it, I have no realistic solutions at this moment.

I had one idea, but it was Wile E. Coyote nightmare that involved a crossbow, a toilet plunger, 60' of nylon braided rope, a helmet and a skateboard. Then you wait by the road.

"It's a mattress" he said matter of factly...

So, today it's raining. It's raining so much that a raging river is flowing through the parking lot of our office. If this keeps up we'll have own miniature canyon carved through the asphalt. The water that becomes a cat 3 rapid river during a heavy downpour has to travel through several obstacle before flowing by here. These obstacle include: A furniture store that seems to just throw stuff anywhere, a small area of dense forest that serves as a campground for vagrants, hobos, transients and any other synonym for a person of limited means wandering about the area. The back alley behind our office and the stores that we are attached to. Back there...It's a frightening display of 'out of sight, out of mind'. I'm not sure how often the sanitation department comes around to empty the dumpster, but I do know that it is not often enough. The back alley looks like A.....It looks like...well...it smells like hot garbage. Because that's what is back there. And most of it is on the ground. Not in the trash receptacles. There are also palates, old tires, big pieces of styrofoam(which is what usually floats down this way during a rain storm) and an assortment of other crap that no one sees until it rains. The rain causes flooding, which causes a river, which allows us to see what is behind the building. I don't like to go back there, so the river always brings surprises for me.

Today the river of crap was in rare form, for it delivered to us, this mattress:


The matress was last seen circling a sewer drain. It was too big to fit throught the grate, so it just stayed by the drain, spinning. Once the rain stops and the water has a chance to drain, there will be a wet mattress that smells like a homeless bingo parlor covering the drain. It will not be picked up by sanitation when they don't show up to empty the dumpsters and will serve as a drain plug when we have another torential downpour later this week.

This place is comedy gold and never ceases to entertain me. I don't even go to movies or local events anymore, I just hang out and wait somewhere. Something will happen. And it will be funny.

Situational Awareness

Today I witnesed two examples of a person's lack of situational awareness...both events took place inside of three minutes of each other.

The first happened while I was in a Publix grocery store about 30 minutes ago. I had gone to pick up some sodas for the refrigerator in our office, while there I decided to get a sandwhich(samwich) from the deli. I now have two items to pay for before leaving the store. According to all rational thought and reasoning, having two items makes me a perfect candidate for the 'Express lane - 10 Items or less' line. I find the express lane and get behind two other people in the line, both of whom also only have two items each. But! in front of us is a lady with the only shopping cart in the express lane. The cart is full. Full like she only goes to the grocery store once a month full. Noticing the overflowing shopping cart I look above the line and see the very large sign that hangs over the express lane that staes: Express lane - 10 Items or less. In front of the conveyor belt I see another sign that says the same thing. And suspended over the tabloid rack is a light up sign that also designates this lane for shoppers with 10 or fewer items. Now, normally I keep my mouth shut about stuff, but for some reason, watching the lady load down the conveyor belt with more groceries than the thing moves in a week, and looking behind me and seeing the line growing steadily longer with people who have a 1/2 gallon of milk, or one green pepper, or any assortment of groceries that don't need a shopping cart to make it from the aisle to the checkout line, I tell her about the large hanging sign the light up sign and the small sign in front of the conveyor...Apparently my mouth made this decision without first consulting my brain. The response she gives me is 'So?'...Again, mouth starts froming sentence before brain gets involved. I politely tell her that since this is an express lane it is reserved for shoppers who only need a few things and aren't planning to spend the day at the grocery store. She tells me to mind my own business, but the cashier says 'He's right ma'am, this line is for people with 10 items or less' . Thank goodness the cashier got involved, because I had no idea what Iwas going to do next. Now the lady looks angry and asks the cashier very loudly 'Well, what do you want me to do? put all this stuff back in the cart and go get in a different line?' This question was answered by several other people in the line with a big 'YES!'. So, she started putting stuff back in the cart, I then said, and probably shouldn't have, that I was only telling her for future referece...you know...as a common courtesy. She then gave me on of those looks, the kind that says 'Why don't you shut your big fat stupid mouth' or 'I'll be waiting for you in the parking lot...with a tire iron' or something else threatening. She backed out of the express lane and got into a different line. All of us express laners were then out of the store in short order. The guy behind me told me he was glad I said something.

The second happened right after I left Publix. I was driving back to my office when I came up to an accident in the right lane, there were three police cars at the scene. One of the cars was stopped in the right lane in front of the accident, blue lights flashing away. Very noticeable. There was a policeman up adhead standing next to the two cars that had collided waving people around. I came to a stop about 5 car lengths in front of the police car stopped in the right lane in front of the accident. The driver behind me apparently made a decision to employ the techniques they learned in stunt driving school. The driver whipped around me into the left lane causing the person they cut off to slam on their brakes and lay on the horn. After the whipping manuever the driver slung their car back into the right lane successfully going around my stopped jeep. They then continued at the same speed, which was probably around 25 mph, to drive their car straight into the parked police car ahead of me. Which was the reason for my stopping in the lane. I don't know, or care if they saw me in their rear view mirror pointing and laughing. I had just taken a drink from my coke too, so I laughed that onto the steering wheel and dashboard. The police officer heard the sound of the impact, and came swaggering over to his police car and the car and driver that had parked in his trunk. I was able to get ahold of myself and stop laughing. A courteous driver stopped in the left lane so I could get over and go around the accident. They probably thought that I was nervous to megre over, they had no idea I was still sitting there because I didn't think I should start moving again while I had tears from laughter in my eyes.

So there it is. Keep your eyes open out there, there's lots to see. If you are situationally aware, you will be treated to the shenanigans of people who aren't.

Nothing to see here today

I made an avatar in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 that looks like Carl...well, see you later, I gotta go get Carl's stats up so he can beat Jack Nicklaus.